


Colors can Change

by dearconnormurphy



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2018-10-29 20:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10861884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearconnormurphy/pseuds/dearconnormurphy
Summary: please don't hate this too much, this is my first fic for Dear Evan Hansen and my first Soulmate AU so yeah I also run @gayashellmichaelmell on tumblr so check me out there! My friend @godoftoast on tumblr helped me with the idea so many thanks! Alright sit tight and enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

They say you know when you find your soulmate because when they touch you color will spread from the point that they touch you. Eventually it stops and when you touch again it spreads more.  
They say your first day of senior year is supposed to be exciting but for Evan it was just another day that he was stuck in this hell like state. His mom Heidi knocked on the door of his room and let herself in.  
“Senior year! Aren’t you excited?” Heidi once had color but ever since Evan was seven and his dad left the color drained from her.  
“C’mon Evan it’s a new year meaning a new chance to make some more friends!” She smiled on the outside but on the inside, she was frowning.  
Evan looked at his mom and faked excitement and a smile, “Yeah mom, it’s uh r-really exciting.” Evan had been dreading this day ever since he broke his arm,  
“Hey I know, why don’t you get the other kids to sign your cast? It’d be a great conversation starter.”  
Evan just sighed knowing he was fighting a losing battle, he grabbed the sharpie his mom had handed to him and with another fake smile he replied, “Okay mom im sure a lot of people will sign it.”  
The Murphy household was trying to have a peaceful breakfast but that just wasn’t possible anymore, between Larry being too busy with work and Zoe and Connor fighting all the time it was almost impossible to think.  
“Connor, you have to go to school today it’s the first day, no excuses.”  
Connor huffed and ran a hand through his hair, “Look mom I didn’t say I wouldn’t go tomorrow, I’m just saying I don’t want to go today.”  
Cynthia sighed loudly not knowing what to do and hoping her husband would at least try and say something.  
“Larry, are you going to look up from your emails and say something or not?” She didn’t mean it to sound so frustrated but that’s how she was feeling.  
Larry looked up reluctantly from his phone and sighed, “What do you want me to say he never listens and besides he’s probably high.”  
Zoe decided to butt in, “He’s definitely high.”  
Connor glared at her, “Fuck you.”  
“Fuck you.” Zoe retorted.  
Cynthia put the coffee cup she was holding down and glared at both of her children.  
“Look, Zoe I don’t need you making those comments at your brother, they aren’t constructive.”  
Zoe scoffed, “Are you actually kidding me?”  
Cynthia turned to Connor, “And you we have talked about this I don’t want you going to school high!”  
Connor laughed, “Perfect so then I won’t go, thanks for the flawless logic mom!”  
Evan had run into his somewhat friend Jared Kleinman, they’d been well, why not call it like it is, ‘Family’ friends for years Evan thought they were actual friends and while Jared wouldn’t admit it he knew Evan was one of the only people who actually enjoyed talking to him.  
“How does it feel to be the first person known is history to break your arm from overly jerking off?” This was Jared’s coping mechanism being a dick and saying shitty things to the people who cared about him.  
“N-no that’s obviously n-not what happened and y-you know th-that.” Evan managed to stutter out.  
Jared laughed, “Oh c’mon you got Zoe Murphy’s Instagram up on that weird off brand cell phone of yours- “  
Evan cut him off, “Shut up th-that’s not what happened! Um how was um your s-summer.”  
Jared grinned genuinely actually interested to tell him about summer camp, “Well my bunk dominated capture the flag, and I got to second base with this girl who’s going off to be in the army or whatever, I think that answers your question.”  
It was only half true, sure Jared got to second base, but he lied it wasn’t with a girl who was leaving, it was one of his bunk mates who just so happened to be a guy.  
“Did um d-did you gain any color over the summer?” Jared shook his head sadly, he was really hoping that it would happen but it didn’t and he’d never admit it but he actually cried about it.  
“How’d you break your arm?” Evan frowned and began fidgeting with the hem of his shirt and quickly moved on to scratch at the cast on his arm.  
“I w-well I um, I fell. I fell out of a tree.”  
Jared couldn’t help but laugh it was such an Evan thing to do, “You fell out of a tree? What are you some kind of acorn?”  
Evan gave a weak laugh, “Hey, did you maybe wanna sign my cast?”  
Jared frowned, he wanted to, he really did but if someone saw him doing it his rep would be ruined so instead he said, “Wait why are you asking me?”  
Evan’s face fell, “Oh um well I thought since we’re friends?”  
Jared patted Evan on the back and hesitated for a moment as if he were waiting for something to happen, but it didn’t. “We’re family friends and you know it, that’s a totally different thing.”  
Connor Murphy heard the annoying voice that could only be coming from Jared Kleinman’s mouth as he was walking to class already pissed off.  
His high was wearing off and he wasn’t dumb enough to cut class to get high either, he was walking by Evan and Jared when he hear Jared say, “Oh, hey Connor, I love the new hair length it’s very school shootery.” Jared laughed, “it was a joke.”  
Connor snorted lightly, “Oh no I get it, but am I not laughing hard enough for you?!”  
He took a step forward ready to fight Jared if needed. Jared began to walk away but not before stating, “you’re such a freak.”  
Evan didn’t know what to do with what he just witnessed, he accidentally laughed nervously and started fidgeting again. Connor turned on Evan, who the fuck did this kid think he was laughing at him, “You think im a freak huh? I’m not the freak, you’re the fucking freak.” And he pushed Evan storming off.  
Evan noticed something had happened when Connor pushed him, his arm began showing color. “Wh-what?” N-no way in hell Connor Murphy was his soulmate. There had to be a mistake, and Evan would find out. Connor had noticed color going down his arm ever since he pushed that Evan kid, he snorted to himself, no fucking way Hansen was his soulmate, this was a mistake and he had to at least try to fix it.  
After school Evan made a beeline for the computer lab so he could try and finish that stupid letter Dr. Sherman needed when he went to his next appointment. He had just gotten off the phone with his mom and went to get his letter off of the printer when he spotted Connor. His hunched posture worsened with fear but Connor seemed different, friendlier.  
“H-hey I’m sorry that I uh pushed you it wasn’t right.” Evan straightened, “O-oh um it’s fine you’re okay.” Evan noticed Connor staring at his cast but didn’t say anything.  
Connor spoke up, “Um, so how’d you break your arm?”  
Evan started scratching at the cast again, “I fell out of a tree.”  
Connor laughed softly, “Well that’s just the saddest fucking thing I have ever heard.” Evan laughed, “I uh I guess so.” “Well no one has signed it yet,” Connor replied pointing at it. “O-h I um I know it’s just- ““Well I’ll sign it.” Evan’s eyes went wide, “Y-you really don’t have to!” Connor smiled slightly, “It’s no big deal um do you have a sharpie?”  
Evan wiped his hands on his pants before pulling out the sharpie and handing it to him. Connor grabbed at Evan’s hand a little harder than he meant to but when he did both he and Evan noticed the color spreading across his arm.  
They looked each other and Connor spoke first, “Huh, guess we are soulmates Hansen.” Evan pulled his arm back after Connor signed the cast, which he took up the entire front in his large handwriting, but at the bottom only noticeable if you looked very hard was a small heart.  
Evan noticed Connor holding a piece of paper in his hands, “Hey Hansen is this yours it was sitting on the printer.”  
Evan nodded, “yeah um i-its mine.” Connor skimmed through it seeing his sister’s name, rage flowing through his veins.  
“Is this about my sister?!”  
Evan’s eyes widened, “No, i-its um um for my um my therapist.”  
Connor frowned wanting to believe him but his older brother protective instincts were wanting to take over.  
“Then why is Zoe’s name in there?” Evan couldn’t respond his anxiety was going off the charts as he started shaking and fidgeting.  
“I-I don’t know I really don’t, I don’t know wh-why I put it in there.” He choked out. Connor threw the papers down, “I don’t care if we are soulmates Hansen don’t fucking talk to me again.” He stormed out.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been three days since Evan had seen Connor, meaning it had been three days since the incident in the computer lab, which of course Evan was still freaking out over. It was around third period when he got called to the office and he was worried as to why, it wasn’t like he had done anything wrong, right? When he got there, there were two people there who he didn’t recognize at all. The woman looked shattered, Evan knew that look, “Hi Evan we’re Connor’s parents, and um well this may be hard to hear, why don’t you sit down?”  
Evan sat warily unsure about what was happening, “Is um is everything okay? I-I mean with Connor I um I’m just n-not sure wh-why I’m here exactly.”  
Connor’s dad spoke up, “Well Connor tried to kill himself three days ago and we found this note in his jacket pocket, you are Evan Hansen right, it says Dear Evan Hansen so he must have been writing the letter to you.”  
Evan took the letter that was his and frowned. “Um he didn’t write this, there’s uh, n-no he didn’t write this.”  
Connor’s mom started crying and Evan didn’t know what to do he couldn’t just let her sit there and sob like she was doing so of course the only thing to think of was a small lie, “y-you’re right he uh he did write this.” He finished awkwardly.   
After talking for what seemed like forever, Cynthia wrote down Connor’s room number for Evan, “here, just in case you want to visit him?” She said it more like a question rather than a statement.   
Evan’s hands were shaking as he took the slip of paper from her, “thank, thank you, I uh, I’ll try and visit him soon.” God I’m probably the last person Connor wants to see, he definitely hates me, what am I doing saying I’ll go visit him. Evan got lost in his thoughts per usual when he was overthinking things, which was always.  
Larry cleared his throat, “Well, we will let you go back to class now.” He seemed to still have his stony expression, not giving anything away, acting as if his son hadn’t just tried to kill himself.  
Evan nodded and grabbed his bag tripping slightly on the chair leg as he went out, he couldn’t go back to class he went to the bathroom and ran into a stall closing it as quietly as he could. Connor tried to kill himself why? He had everything what reason could Connor have for wanting to die? Evan shook his head clearing the thoughts away.  
The bell rang signaling that class was about to start, Evan took a deep breath and headed to class, rushing a little so that way he wasn’t late. “Hey Evan? Did you hear what happened to Connor?” Evan looked up from his seat, it was Alana talking to him, he liked Alana but sometimes he thought she could be a little, much.   
“Oh, oh you already know?” It wasn’t unlike Alana to find information out almost instantly. She knew everything that went on inside and outside of school. Though he just learned himself, maybe other kids told her.  
Alana nodded, “It’s just awful you know? Nobody should feel like they need to kill themselves you know?” Alana secretly knew why Connor would do it though, and why she wanted to help people like him, people who need more help than others.   
“It’s, it’s awful, yeah you’re right no one should have to feel that way.” Evan agreed wholeheartedly with her statement. “No one deserves to go unnoticed, everyone should matter i-I think,” Evan continued. The bell rang for class to start, Alana gave a small wave at Evan and took her seat on the other side of the room.   
Class had ended thirty minutes ago but Evan was sitting in his old beat up car, it barely ran half the time and you had to beat on it a little bit to get it to start. He was thinking about whether or not to go see Connor. He decided to go see him, why not he would have to just to keep up the façade of Connor and him being friends.  
Connor was lying in a hospital bed, his arms covered with bandages. He had his head against the pillow and an angry scowl on his face. He hated hospitals, always had, which was part of the reason why he was angry, the other part was because he had failed. There was a knock on the door and Connor automatically said, “Fuck off I don’t want to see anyone right now.”  
The nurse who was on shift to watch Connor that afternoon came in, “Oh come on are you sure? You don’t even want to see me?” Her name was Alexia and she had dark skin, golden brown eyes, and brown hair twisted into a bun. She had dealt with Connor multiple times before when he had been in here.   
Connor groaned but had a smile on his face, “I especially don’t want to see you, come on what is this the fourth time you’ve dealt with me? Haven’t you gotten tired of me yet?” He knew he shouldn’t be joking in a situation like this but he couldn’t help it, it was either joke or cry and he didn’t want to do the latter.   
Alexia frowned, “No I haven’t gotten tired of you yet, and I don’t think I will. What was the reason this time Con?” She asked affectionately, she cared for him like she would her own son, if he were still here.  
Connor snorted, “Do I have to have a reason? Fine if you must know, I just got fucking tired of it all, is that so bad? I just felt like I needed to disappear.” It was true, Connor wanted to disappear like he never existed in the first place.  
“Well you have a visitor, a kid your age he looks like, a bit anxious though, said his name was Evan Hansen. He’s cute too.” Alexia winked at Connor, she was the first and only person he came out to, not even his family knows that he likes boys.   
Connor’s eyes grew wide and a blush crept on his face, “I, wow, okay, first off Hansen isn’t cute and I guess you can send him in, beats looking at this fucking wall all day doing nothing.”   
Evan felt a hand on his shoulder and he jumped looking up seeing it was Connor’s nurse he relaxed a little. “Okay, you can go in and see him but I warn you he’s a bit grumpy today.” She laughed trying to lighten Evan’s mood a little.  
Evan nodded fidgeting with the cast on his arm, looking down at the large, kind of messy handwriting on it, “I uh, I’ll try and not to get him upset.” He tried to make eye contact, he really did but it just wasn’t going to happen.  
Evan went in Connor’s room and tried not to look shocked at the way he looked. “H-hey Connor, I uh I just wanted to check in on you and see how you were doing.” He looks completely awful, well you did too remember? He was having a conversation with himself inside his head not hearing what Connor was saying.  
“Hey Hansen? You okay? You’re kinda spacing out there.”   
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, sorry um, um what did you say?” Evan didn’t mean to space out, it just happened, especially when he was thinking hard about something, which he was.  
Connor had a faint smile on his face, “I said, I’m doing fucking fantastic obviously. But in all seriousness, I feel like shit, well who wouldn’t after trying to off themselves right?”   
Evan didn’t want to talk about either things that happened earlier, but sometimes you have to do the things you really don’t want to, “C-Connor, we uh, we need to talk about some things.”  
Connor groaned, “Are you talking about the color thing? Listen it’s probably some trick or whatever and the color has probably faded, Connor couldn’t tell cause his hands and arms were bandaged.   
“th-that and well, your parents think we are friends, they uh, they found the letter in your jacket and th-they think it was a suicide note.” Just thinking about it made Evan nervous and anxious, afraid even that Connor might blow up.  
“fuck, well I guess that means we are going to have to keep up the lie then? Well it’s not necessarily a lie, they just assumed.” Connor huffed, fuck guess fate does fucking work in mysterious ways.  
Evan sunk slowly into the only chair in the room, “I, I, guess we will have to learn to spend time together then huh?” Evan was still a little skittish around Connor, really who wouldn’t be in that situation.  
“Yeah I guess so.” He turned to face Evan, “Hansen is the color gone yet?”  
Evan lifted his shirt sleeve, the color was still there. “No, I think we are soulmates, I mean you know what they say, when you find your soulmate you’ll receive color.”  
Connor knew it was true, why was he trying so hard to make it not so. He is kinda cute, with his stutter and small frame. He shook his head, “I guess we are, there’s no way out of it huh?” Noticing Evan’s disappointed look, he stated, “Sorry that was a joke, I didn’t mean it.” Already fucking up and you haven’t even gotten to know him fully, slow down, don’t make rude comments.   
“Connor, you okay? You look like you’re getting lost in your thoughts?” Evan hoped Connor wasn’t thinking of ways to get Evan to leave.  
“Yeah fine, just thinking about something, nothing you need to worry about.”  
Alexia came in with a cart that had scissors, rubbing alcohol, and fresh bandages. “Alright Con, time for a bandage change,” She said with mock enthusiasm.   
Connor groaned, “No anything else, anything else but this shit.” He hated when they had to change the bandages, hated looking down on his fucked-up arms with the stitches in them, it made him a little bit sick.  
Evan smiled, “H-Hey I’ll uh, I’ll come back later okay?” Despite his mom being a nurse here Evan just couldn’t handle blood or anything like that.   
Connor nodded, “Hey Hansen, why don’t you come back tomorrow? I’ll be here miserable with nothing to do, so having someone here won’t be so bad I guess.”  
Evan smiled and his cheeks heated, “yeah, yeah sure I’ll try and come by tomorrow.” Evan was having a conversation with an actual human! Well can you consider Connor human? I mean I guess so, he’s just as human as anyone else.  
Alexia smiled at the two boys, “You have a nice day Evan, it was great meeting you!”  
“Great meeting you as well!” Evan walked out the smile still on his face as walked to his car, the smile not even leaving as he drove home, perhaps the sudden change in color when Connor shoved him was a good thing, maybe Connor’s color will change for the better?  
“Well, well, Con looks like you might be getting a friend, I’m telling you this boy is a good thing for you.” Alexia smiled widely hoping Connor would admit that he likes him.   
“Nah, we have to be friends cause my parents think we are, it’s a whole long story and I really don’t feel liking going into it.” Connor had a faint smile on his lips though, they were soulmates after all, they would need to learn to get along.  
Alexia began the process of removing the bandages on Connor’s arms, looking down she saw his arm was covered in color. “Well what do we have here? Color on Connor Murphy? So, tell me who is it?”  
“It’s nobody.” Connor didn’t feel like supplying the information that Alexia was looking for.  
“Is it that Evan kid?”   
Connor smiled at his name, he knew that Alexia wouldn’t give up until he told her, “Fine it’s Evan, are you happy?”  
“I am actually!” She finished up his left arm and was currently working on his right.  
“Well good for you, hope you know I’m never going to tell Hansen that I like him okay?”  
“Why are you in denial about this? You told me you two were soulmates so why can’t you yourself accept the fact that you are meant to be with him?” Alexia was what you’d call an old soul, she was only twenty-nine but she had wisdom beyond her years.  
“Cause I’m a fuck-up, a freak, who wants to be with someone like me? Doesn’t matter that we are soulmates because I will never admit that I actually want to be with him.” Connor let it out, he really didn’t want Evan to be with someone like him, he would absolutely ruin him.   
Alexia sighed, “Look Connor Murphy I know you think you’re messed up, and you are, I mean that in the nicest way possible but this boy is good for you I can see it, so please just admit to him that you like him and just be happy for once.” She had a serious tone to her voice.  
Connor frowned, “Maybe I’ll tell him and maybe I won’t, but promise me you won’t tell him?”  
“Oh, I wouldn’t dare, this is your job to do.” Alexia laughed.  
Connor laughed, “Alright, Alright I guess I’ll tell him being soulmates won’t be so bad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaa please tell me this was good! don't forget to comment or leave kudos it really keeps me going!


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